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Author and modern Stoic Ryan Holiday, in his book The Obstacle Is the Way: The Ancient Art of Turning Adversity to Advantage (2014), claims as ‘the Stoic maxim’ a motto attributed to Greek philosopher Epictetus and his Stoic handbook, Enchiridion (c. 50–c. 135 AD): sustine et abstine. The phrase translates from Latin as ‘bear and forbear’, calling for the Stoic to endure the trials of life with self-command.

On ‘chronic complaining’

Complaining is an unbecoming and troubling feature of modern life. Psychologist Scott Bea offers that human beings naturally tend towards negativity, only rates of complaint are on the rise in our entitled, digital age. Rather seriously, where complaining involves negative thought patterns in response to stressful circumstances, studies show that repeated, frequent exposure to stress over time has an adverse effect on brain functioning. As a recurring, negative stimulus, complaining can effectively rewire and shrink the brain. Simply put, chronic complaining is potentially very harmful to your health, and to that of society as a whole.

The effect of gratitude, in releasing dopamine, is the antidote to the cortisol induced by complaining. It’s a practice embraced by ancient and modern Stoics as a doctrine—a way of viewing setbacks and hardships as opportunities to strengthen the self, by being rational and disciplined in response to those challenges.

Sustain and abstain, ’bear and forbear’

The phrase ‘sustine et abstine’ translates verbatim from Latin as ‘sustain and abstain’. To ‘sustain’, from the Latin verb sustinere (sub- ‘from below’ and tenere ‘hold’), means ‘to strengthen and support’, but also ‘to undergo or suffer’. By definition, when we ‘bear’ a circumstance, we not only endure it—we carry the weight of it, and take responsibility for it. In short, we accept it and assume the burden of it in our life.

To ‘abstain’, from abstinere (ab- ‘from’ + tenere ‘hold’), means to hold back—to restrain oneself and refrain from self-indulgent impulses. The word ‘forbear’, archaic in its formality, comes from the Old English forberan, meaning ‘bear with’ and connotes ideas of prohibition (‘forbid’) and abstention (‘forgo’). Its meaning, also seemingly passé, suggests forbearance as politeness and patience in the face of antagonism and adversity.

So to ‘bear and forebear’ is to demonstrate a form of grace and civility that has fallen out of fashion in our times—but which might yet be embraced by the modern Stoic as an ancient, fortified style of being.